"[This chapter] explores what old people are feeling, and why; it puts some of their behavior in a new context. It shows what they are up against; all the losses and fears. It's the saddest chapter in the book."
--Mary Pipher, from Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders
Loss...of agility, of a spouse, of friends, of hearing, of siblings, of eyesight, of home.
Who among us, whatever age, could carry such burdens with ease? Could remain emotionally healthy in the face of them? What's less surprising than the depression our elderly loved ones sometimes experience, is that more of them don't experience it more often. The human spirit truly is resilient.
But, depression can get the best of your mom or dad. If it does, it's not simply a matter of trying to "look on the bright side" and having a "positive attitude." Depression can aggravate existing medical conditions, causing your mom or dad to have to visit the doctor more often. It can cause expense and heartache. It should not be suffered silently. Depression is an illness that can and should be treated. If you suspect your mom or dad may be suffering from depression, you need to get him or her some help.
Some signs of depression include:
- Finding no joy in activities that once gave pleasure.
- No appetite.
- Difficulty sleeping.
- Lassitude, lethargy, very little energy.
- Problems concentrating.
- Feelings of worthlessness.
- Suicidal feelings.
So, what can you do about it? Well, you can help your mom or dad explore options (though if a parent is depressed, you'll probably need to do the exploring alone). Therapeutic treatment for depression includes anti-depressant medication and counseling. Medication alone may give your parent a boost, help him or her feel better, sleep better, eat betterCwhich, in turn, helps him or her get back on a more uplifting emotional track.
Your mom or dad may also benefit from talking to a therapist. It can be difficult to persuade a parent to take this route. The "talking cure" can sound like hogwash to a generation that took personal pride in handling problems on its own and that believed strongly in a discretion that is sometimes lacking in today's tabloid world. But medication is not always the only or best answer. In a recent New York Times' article about treating depression in the elderly (9/5/99), Dr. Irv Katz, geriatric psychiatrist, notes "you don't want people to be numb to their sadness. That's not what depression treatment is about. It's about helping people enjoy what is there to be enjoyed." Talk and medicine may help.
Remember, sadness is a part of the fabric of life, the human condition. Experiencing it and acknowledging it amplifies our spirit and helps us become more compassionate and empathetic. But depression is different from sadness and it is not a natural state of aging. There is no reason why your mom and dad, even when they are infirm, shouldn't find joy in life.
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