There is a reason that people become frustrated and angry when stuck amidst many others in a traffic jam or a long line at the bank, but revel in being stuck with those same others when they're lined up curbside waiting for a parade to pass by or sitting in the bleachers cheering on the home team.

The reason: atmosphere. There's a complicated symbiosis between our emotions and responses and the mood around us. We create the mood with our actions but our actions are also a response to the mood that's created.

But what does any of this have to do with caring for an elder loved one? Well, lots. The months or years that you serve as caregiver will offer opportunities for connection with your elderly loved one. They'll give you hours to mend damage done and to give thanks for breaches repaired.

Much of this repair work, this mending, this thanks, will have to do with forgiveness. Your mom or dad will have time to ask for and bestow it. You will too. When you're in the middle of tending another, of watching illness progress, you'll have long hours where soul-searching is not only possible, but is almost impossible to avoid. When you use those hours to examine your relationship with your parent, you can right the wrongs that have been done. Remember, your giving forgiveness need not be dependent on anybody else. It is yours to give, whatever your loved one's response. But forgiveness begets forgiveness and you are likely to find that your mom or dad is ready and willing to give and receive forgiveness too.

Aging brings loss, but it also brings gifts. Perspective is one of those. Perhaps your dad was always a hot-tempered man—easily irritated and angered by everything from slow service in a restaurant, to heavy traffic during rush hour, to you and your brothers and sisters being too loud while you played together. But watch your dad now—perhaps you've noticed that it is easier for him to take a quieter, calmer course, to shrug off small irritations, to recognize his part in bigger ones. It becomes easier to yield as one grows older—there is less to prove, more to ponder.

So this is the atmosphere that aging can create: calm, quiet, introspective. And with that rare air, you and your mom or dad can say simple and difficult words. Words like "I'm sorry." Or, "I forgive you." There are no perfect people. But as you care for your elderly loved one, you will find perfect moments to speak from your heart.