"Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again too few to mention..."
--Paul Anka, from "My Way"

If you're under 30, you're probably not thinking about regrets, or about wills and advanced medical directives, or about long-term care insurance. At least not in regard to yourself. As you turn 40, 50, 60, you'll probably find that these topics enter your thoughts a little more often.

If you're caring for an aging parent or other loved one right now, whatever your age, surely these things are on your mind. And they should be on your loved one’s mind too. If they're not, you'll have to do your best to bring them to your parent’s attention. Because though it is certainly possible to worry and prepare too far in advance for old age and the losses that may come with it (remember, some folks live a long, full, healthy life and die at home, in their sleep, not having suffered a debilitating illness or many of the sorrows of old age), there are two losses that everyone should prepare for the certainty of death and the possibility of incompetence. If your mom or dad hasn’t begun preparing for these things yet, you may need to give him or her a nudge.

It's a sensitive subject, so you have to convey your concern and willingness to help without alienating or frightening your parent. Your interest is in your parent's physical, financial, and emotional well-being, and that’s the message you have to get across.

At the very least, your parents need a will, a Durable Power of Attorney for asset management (should they become incompetent), and their state’s preferred advanced medical directive. Consider these suggestions for approaching the topic with your parents:

• Look for a natural opening to bring up the subject.
• Let them know that you also are beginning to put your affairs in order; that it's something everybody with children or assets should do.
• Remind them of the peace of mind that can come with putting affairs in order; once i's done, they won't have to worry about it anymore.
• If their estate is over a certain dollar amount, it will be subject to estate taxes; but there are relatively simple and completely legal ways to reduce the tax bill. Encourage them to see an attorney and explore their options. Putting their affairs in order is not just about money - remind your parents that they are also passing on their legacy of love, memories, and mementos.
• Sometimes grandchildren and grandparents have an easier bond than parents and children do; it might be appropriate for your older son or daughter to talk to your mom or dad about these issues.
• If your parents ignore you or become upset when you talk about these things, drop the subject for a while, and bring it up in another month or two when a natural opportunity presents itself.

Remember, the idea is to encourage your elderly loved ones to make the important decisions regarding their future while they are competent to do so, thus keeping the regrets too few to mention.