Money talks: How to instill financial values in your kids at any age

Chad and Pam Wilsky know that talking about money can be challenging, especially with children. But when it came time for the couple from Debary, Florida, to broach the subject with their sons, Samuel, 20, and Caleb, 12, they found one method made it easier: Focus less on talking points and more on values. And incorporate it into their day-to-day lives through teachable moments.

“We talk about the reality of what things cost and the choices we have to make,” Pam says. “We talk about saving, giving, planning for retirement. We taught them that they may need to use their own money for things, that money doesn’t grow on trees. And sometimes there’s the reality that we can’t—or don’t want to—afford that right now.”

Pam learned a lot about money from her parents. Growing up, she and her sister may not always have had what they wanted, but they had what they needed. “We never went without,” Pam says. “My parents were smart financially, and that’s the mindset we want to share with Samuel and Caleb.”

Like Chad and Pam, most U.S. adults believe that teaching children how to manage money starts at home. Yet many don’t actually follow through. A recent Family Financial Foundations survey by Thrivent* found that, for many U.S. adults, open discussions about money rarely—if ever—happened while they were growing up. And if it did, money was often a source of conflict. That makes it seem like a taboo topic, which is something that needs to change.

“A healthy relationship with money is important to being physically healthy, happy and flourishing in life,” says Thrivent client John Busacker, author, speaker and founder of Life-Worth, LLC, a personal leadership development firm. “Money is all around us; it’s a part of our everyday life,” he says. “Having a healthy relationship with it begins with having conversations about it when our kids are young.”

Whether your kids are still at home, or they’re adults, it’s never too late to talk to them about money. Read on for some ideas on how to break down the walls of communication.

No one’s expecting you to teach a class on money concepts for your kids. Or even to plan out a conversation. Simply start with what you know.

“The biggest thing we can do is lead by example,” Pam says. “Show them how to be responsible.”

An example for the Wilskys is travel baseball—something many young families can relate to. The couple talked with the boys about the costs associated with it: from buying a bat to paying for food and lodging on the road. “They understood that if we can’t do something, it’s because we’re doing A, B and C with our money instead,” she says.

Scott Morris, Thrivent financial consultant in Ormond Beach, Florida, encourages families to help their children designate earned or gifted money into three categories: share, save and spend. There should be a set minimum percentage for what goes into the share and save categories.

“Your kids can be doing chores to earn money, to understand it’s not free,” Morris says. “This also helps them start to understand money management.”

Share the household bills with your children, says Thrivent Advice Services Consultant Jennifer Warner. Talk to them about the cost of taking a long shower, using the internet and leaving lights on. Or when grocery shopping, let them make some of the purchases. All of these things will serve them well into adulthood.

Busacker says that when his children, now 39 and 36, were young, they would watch as he and his wife gave of their time and money. “Then we provided opportunities for them to give, and we watched. Our job as parents is to teach them to ‘adult’ and then let them do it,” he says.

“Financial conversations, no matter how simple, help you deepen your relationship with your children and enable you to share your values,” Warner says.

Living your values is one of the most important money lessons you can impart. What do you value?

• If it’s education, how are you saving money for it?  
• If it’s family time, how is your money being used as a tool for that?  
• If it’s being charitable, who are you saving money for and why?  

“When I do a Thrivent Action Team, my kids and grandkids are involved,” Morris says. “When we collected school supplies, we took them shopping with us. When there’s a community event, we all get involved and give back. We want to be examples of living a life of generosity.”

Encourage your children as they get older to find a job. “It not only helps them prepare for good and terrible bosses, which is a great life lesson, but it also helps them learn about saving, spending and taxes,” Busacker says. And when it comes to going to college, “make sure they have some skin in the game with paying a portion,” he says. “We wanted them to know the financial cost of being in or skipping a class.”

When Pam Wilsky’s mom died in 2022 (her dad died in 2020), money had been set aside to be divided between the grandchildren to give them a nice start in life. Caleb was only 10, while Samuel was 18.

“This gave us a great opportunity to talk to the boys about our values and how to invest it, not simply stick it all into a savings account,” Pam says. “We actually pulled out a calculator and showed them how much this wonderful gift could turn into.”

The boys were with them when they talked about options with their Thrivent financial advisor. And they took Caleb to the bank when they opened a savings account for him with a portion of the gift. Caleb actually already had $500 stashed away at home that he also put into the account, Pam says. They also started brokerage accounts for both boys.

Sometimes it feels easier when your children are younger to encourage wise stewardship of their money, but it’s equally as important to continue the conversations as they get older.

“As I look back, there are things we did well in teaching them, and there are things we could have done better or differently,” Busacker says. “We’re still trying to pass along those lessons, even though the conversation has changed.”

The topics may change a little as they become adults. It’s important to talk about life insurance, protecting their own but also their future family’s financial future, and generational wealth, Morris says.

Pam remembers her dad asking her about her retirement plan when she got her first real job. “He told me I had to do the match, starting today, to put us on the right trajectory.”

Talk with your children about having an emergency fund, using credit carefully and paying bills on time.

“But the most important lesson to continue to impart is to live within your means,” Busacker says. “Have an awareness of what’s coming in and going out. And always try to get on the same page as your partner when it comes to money.”

And finally, as you age, talk to your children about your financial plans. As appropriate, share your estate plans, including health directives, and your extended care plan, Morris says. Talk about why you’ve prioritized certain things. Include your financial advisor in the planning and discussions.

“Start at a high level, communicating the architecture of the plan and your intentions,” Busacker says. “For us, it’s not so much about the numbers; it’s about our values and the ‘why’ behind our plan.”

The time is now to have these conversations, says Warner. “We don’t know what tomorrow will bring; we need to plan for the certainty of uncertainty.”

Donna Hein is senior editor of Thrivent Magazine.