A heart for others

Adam “Doc” Jacobs knows firsthand that blending families can come with challenges. And even though the grief he experienced to gain his blended family was hard, he knows that God has guided him to where he is today.

Doc, a Thrivent client in Northridge, California, was 28 when his first wife, Sunshyne, died unexpectedly. Their daughter, Brooke, was just 2 years old, and Sunshyne was pregnant with their son.

“I grieved the loss of her and my unborn son, and I also grieved the idea of carrying on my family name,” says Doc, whose dad died when he was young. “I go by ‘Doc’ because my dad was a doctor. I was the youngest and only boy of the family.”

God had different plans for Doc’s life. He was a youth pastor at the time, and he was very conscious of setting a good example of dating for Brooke. He says, “I wanted a wife, but I also was looking for a great mom for my daughter.”

Then he met Simyouna. A few years older than Doc with two daughters, Brittny and Alisha, she had healed from an abusive marriage and had a strength of character that drew Doc to her. They dated, married and a few years later had their son, Quincy. Their children today are 30, 25, 15 and 9, and they also have three grandsons.

“We have a unique family, and it’s awesome,” Doc says. “We’re really proud of our family. Blended families are not easy, and there are definitely seasons. There are seasons of connection, there are seasons of drama. But we navigate the seasons together. It is the abundant experience of life, for sure. It’s super beautiful, fulfilling—and I’m grateful.”

Read on for more thoughts from Doc.

I care for people and am positioned in this community to care for the hurting and the broken. I am a pastor of a small community church, Christ Community Church. I teach middle and high schoolers part-time at a local private school. I’m also a mentor and speaker.

I love that question. I coach people and I coach life and the Bible. I love sports. I volunteer with my son’s sports, and I’m involved with lots of sport teams and organizations in our community. But my greatest passion is to coach young men ages 14 to 28 to grow great character so they can crush it in whatever they are called to do. My calling is to help these young men find their identity and their purpose outside of the field and outside of the court. I want to pour into them, and to encourage, affirm and challenge them.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who wrestled with identity during COVID. I sat in my garage and talked to a friend who checked in on me. I felt I wasn’t living with enough purpose, that I wasn’t being all that I’m called to be. I’ve continued to wrestle with that the last few years. What am I called to be doing? And that’s when I discovered that my calling really is to young people.

I was at a weekly prayer meeting for pastors in the area, to connect in prayer for our community. I met Jason Hurst. [Jason is a community engagement leader at Thrivent who helps build client and community experiences.] We went to lunch, and I learned about Thrivent. Jason is authentic and genuine, and our friendship grew. He introduced me to Marc Henderson, a financial advisor. We started talking and it was crazy that Marc and I had never met, because we had a handful of mutual friends.

I’ve always put way too much of my identity and how I feel into my finances. My relationship was: What does my bank account look like, and am I safe and secure in that? I valued myself based on what the value of my accounts looked like. That’s not a healthy way to live. Over the past few years, I’ve gained a healthier attachment with my money that’s helped me realize I can walk in authority and confidence in my role in my family regardless of what my bank account looks like. I’m beginning to dream. I’m looking at life with more optimism rather than being confined by the current reality of my finances. I’m so much more than just what my bank account is.